training targets: twenty-four

my horoscope tells me that i tend to use exercise to manage my moods but here’s what they missed: i’m lazy as shit, i don’t have a shred of discipline, and my internal “motivator” is flaky at best and rooted in delusions of grandeur at worst. however, a profound and perennially existent line of internal […]

consume. consume.

unpublished drafts (eight) unwritten diary (since may 06; there’s nothing to write about really) unpainted canvas (my paints have probably gone dry) unused bike (the chain is rusty) untouched makeup (is it expired? i should throw it out) I claim to reject the world around me yet all i do is consume it in every […]

going home

it’s currently -58°C outside, i’m hurtling in a metal tube thousands of feet in the air. the plane is dark and empty, silence with undertones of the unending growl of the engines is my only companion. i switch off my lamp and peek outside and suddenly i am transported into a different world, one completely […]

lucid : stream of consciousness : unfiltered

it’s currently 3.11 pm. it’s raining outside, the winds blowing raindrops parallel to the ground. the sun is tired, i think, non-committal and vaguely unsatisfied. it’s also very cold, and i’m wearing multiple layers inside the house because i do not want to pay for heating. the room is tinted green, an olive cast upon […]

change

Though mainly and mostly together in mind – With hope for ahead and at peace with behind – In essence and earnest, I have to confide: I’m still not certain I know who’s inside. But that’s what’s amazingly freeing, you see – Perhaps there just isn’t a definite “me”. And maybe i’m made up of […]

post-love letter

This isn’t going to be short, but perhaps i can keep it sweet After lots of thinking and too many bottles of wine, I think I’ve distilled what it is that I wanted out of us and what it is that triggered the breakup. At this point if you’d like to opt out of reading […]

Of heartbreak

Happy 2 month anniversary of being single again. im just so conflicted like theres this constant stream of sadness and longing and misery in my heart that im just ignoring like a child and loudly talking over it with ”self care” and watching tv and im just distracting myself from the suffering and whatever loss […]

Self Therapy : Relationships and Dating

All my hangups and feelings of guilt associated with the normal, coming of age phenomenon of dating and romantic ideas can be traced to my Mother™. At 15, I had a crush on this boy. 3 years older than me. I can’t say he was a good person, and I can’t say that I was […]

Respect

“Mind it. Remember where you are. Remember who I am. Mind what comes out of your mouth, or you’ll regret it.” “A home is based on love and affection, not egos and dislikes. This is a home, darling, I love you.” “You will respect me. You will listen to what I say, and you’ll do […]